


terms & conditions

by dirtg0dz



Category: The Iliad - Homer, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Social Media, a LOT of nsfw humour, author can reclaim slurs used, but theyre actually so minor that they dont have names and fill the role of stans, i just wanted to write a twitter au honestly, minor original characters, this tag list is probably going to be updated with each chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 01:34:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30098265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtg0dz/pseuds/dirtg0dz
Summary: @aristosachaion:alright now that thats taken care of im gonna make a thread abt the beauty of this GUYYYYYYY@aristosachaionreplied: odysseus may say i am down bad but u know what you limp cocklet, i know hes packing@aristosachaionreplied: oh god oh fuck i want him to [REDACTED FOR HORNY CRIMES]@aristosachaionreplied: wait@aristosachaion:WAIT@aristosachaion:hold on@aristosachaion:WAIT WAIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS ISNT PRIVOr, Achilles — also known as popular Twitch streamer @aristosachaion — posts a series of thirst tweets on his main Twitter account instead of his private one. Chaos follows.
Relationships: Achilles/Patroclus (Song of Achilles), Achilles/Patroclus of Opus (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 73





	terms & conditions

**Author's Note:**

> quick key for character usernames in this chapter:
> 
> @aristosachaion / @figposting — achilles. figposting is a typo that he kept because goddamn does he like figs. its funny because hes a fruit and also a f
> 
> @patpatpatpat / @patx4 — patroclus. he needs to reinforce that people call him pat and not patroclus. that's it
> 
> @officialodyssey / @trojanhorse — odysseus. he lives for bullying achilles. 
> 
> @brisays / @brbseis — briseis. people pronounce her name wrong a lot and by using these usernames she is guaranteed to have made it worse. she doesn't have a youtube / twitch channel but she is patroclus' best friend! 
> 
> @achillesbitch, @ikillthese, @achillesdownbad, @gayboysupreme, @odysseusimping and @trojanwhores are various stan accounts.
> 
> @aristosupdates is an account for achilles update posts. @achillesdeleted is an account dedicated to posting achilles' deleted tweets. @quadrilateral is a pun
> 
> @plateoh is plato (the philosopher) because i found out abt the fact that i share a hc with plato of all people and needed to incorporate it somehow

**@figposting:** GUYSSNSNDNDNJ£>$£$£/£;&;&:&4&4

**@figposting:** i want his arms around my neck please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE OH MY GOD

**@figposting:** patroclus you find as he'll i wont you

**@figposting:** no but fr why is he that damn hot this is a fucking crime

**@figposting:** not to be gay but LOOK AT HIM HELLO.

**@figposting:** in the 5 mins between this tweet and the last i started crying 

**@figposting** replied: i wish he'd make me cry in the sexy way

**@trojanhorse** replying to “in the 5...”: Can you find god already im so tired of my notifs being blown up by your gay ass

**@trojanhorse** replying to “Can you...”: Seek mental help achilles

**@figposting:** ODYSSEUS SHUT THE FUCK UP CHALLENGE

**@figposting:** anyway if his hands are that big how big do you think his dick is

**@figposting:** is it possible to calculate that

**@trojanhorse** replied: Dont you have a stream to be at right now?

**@trojanhorse** replying to “Dont you ha...”: Specifically your own

**@figposting** replied: WAIT FUCK UR RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOO

**@figposting** replied: gonna have 2 cancel i need to think abt his tits more

**@trojanhorse** replied: Oh my fucking god

_ Switched to  _ **@aristosachaion.**

**@aristosachaion:** hey everyone! sorry to do this so last minute but something really important came up! im gonna have to cancel the stream for today but ill be back for my usual stream in two days!!!!!

**@aristosachaion** replied: since i know someone's gonna ask, im okay! just got my priorities a little tangled lol

**@achillesbitch** replying to “hey everyone!...” **:** aww :( hope whatevers happening goes well!

**@ikillthese** replying to “hey everyone!...”: REAL SHIT? i was so excited too ;;;;;;;;

**@aristosupdates** replying to “hey everyone!...”: That's cool! Have a good day, AA!

**@aristosachaion:** alright now that thats taken care of im gonna make a thread abt the beauty of this GUYYYYYYY

**@aristosachaion** replied: odysseus may say i am down bad but u know what you limp cocklet, i know hes packing 

**@aristosachaion** replied: oh god oh fuck i want him to [REDACTED FOR HORNY CRIMES]

**@aristosachaion** replied: wait

**@plateoh** replied: I was right.

**@achillesbitch** replied: WHAT

**@achillesbitch** replied: SIR WHY ARE YOU HORNY POSTING ON MAIN

**@achillesbitch** replied: IS THIS ALLOWED

**@ikillthese** replied: 

HELLOOOOOOOOOO????????????

**@achillesdeleted** replied: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GET IT GAYBOY

**@achillesdeleted** replied: Ppl are gonna start spamming my inbox with this and I'm not even sure if I care this is so funny

**@aristosupdates:** update: achilles is down bad

**@aristosupdates** replied: get achilles down bad trending please my lovelies

**@aristosachaion:** WAIT

**@aristosachaion:** hold on

**@aristosachaion:** WAIT WAIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS ISNT PRIV

**@aristosachaion:** holy fucking shit you've got to be kidding me

_ Deleted 8 Tweets! _

**@achillesdownbad:** how the fuck did i snag this @ SO QUICK HELP

**@achillesdownbad** replied: i cant believe twitch streamer aristosachaion just fucking did that

**@achillesdownbad** replied: this bitch gay! good for him good for him

**@achillesdeleted:** for those who missed the spectacle of twitch user achilles aristosachaion simping for a mystery man

**@gayboysupreme** replied: YOU DIDNT HAVE TO ADD THE “now all of twitter knows you're gay” IMAGE AND YET IT WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT IT

**@achillesdeleted** replying to “YOU DIDNT H...”: LMAOOOO

**@achillesdeleted:** this goes without saying but don't harass him for answers n shit lol

**@odysseusimping:** cant BELIEVE that achilles’ tangled priorities are thirstposting on priv im feeling violent

**@trojanwhores** replied: AND HE CALLED ODYSSEUS A LIMP COCKLET HEJFJRJRJJDHF

**@odysseusimping** replying to “AND HE CALL...”: ODYSSEUS DESERVES BETTER :(((((

**@aristosachaion:** if you guys trend achilles down bad ill start violently sobbing just so u know

**@aristosachaion** quoted “if you guys...”: ITS BEEN 10 MINUTES IM IN AGONY

**@aristosupdates:** achilles down bad is trending

**@aristosupdates:** achilles came down (bad) is trending

**@aristosupdates:** [REDACTED FOR HORNY CRIMES] is trending and i personally would like to know what was redacted if it was for his priv

**@trojanwhores** replied: THE MEMES £;£4£4&4&(&4&4&5&&4!4

**@trojanwhores** replying to “THE MEMES...”: WHY IS ACHILLESTWT SO FUCKING FUNNY MY MOMS LOOKING AT ME WEIRD FOR LAUGHING SO HARD

**@odysseusimping** replying to “WHY IS ACHILLESTWT SO...”: OOMF DIDNT YOU BUY 100 SLUTTY SLUTTY DOLLARS OF ODYSSEUS MERCH HOW IS THIS CONCERNING

**@trojanwhores:** SHUT UP

**@aristosachaion:** alright new rule only mlm are allowed to make fun of me the rest of you are just homophobic

**@officialodyssey** quoted “alright new r...”: further incriminating evidence from his priv

**@aristosachaion** replying to “further incrim...”: THAT COULD BE ANYONE

**@officialodyssey** replying to “THAT COULD BE...”: Ive been waiting for this day ever since you first starting simping for the guy

**@officialodyssey** replying to “Ive been waitin...”: Also learn how to bluff better

**@aristosachaion:** u know what im actually taking this really well actually ive only cried twice in the last 15 minutes and they were semi unrelated

**@officialodyssey** replied: Here's the tweet in question that he started crying over

**@aristosachaion** replying to “Here's the t...”: STOP DOING THAT I SWEAR

**@quadrilateral:** So who's the mystery guy that popular Twitch streamer aristosachaion has the hots for? https://tinyurl.com/yzhfeay9

**@aristosachaion** replied: not reading this because its not gonna be right and will just make me uncomfortable as you guys speculate BUT ITS BEEN 15 MINUTES 

**@aristosachaion:** alright im logging onto my priv for realsies this time 

_ Switched to  _ **@figposting.**

**@figposting:** im actually gonna have a mental breakdown lol

**@figposting** replied: we got a NUMBER ONE VICTORY ROYALE yeah fortnite we ‘bout to GET DOWN get down ten kills on the board right now just wiped out tomato town my friend just got downed i r

**@trojanhorse** replying to “we got a...”: eally like him, want his cock in my mouth?

**@figposting** replying to “eally like...”: i hate that this works

**@figposting** replying to “eally like...”: also im blocking you :/

**@trojanhorse** was blocked. [Undo]

**@officialodyssey:** So Achilles just blocked me on his private account

**@officialodyssey** replied: He thinks this will stop me. It won't

**@figposting:** ah the freshness of an odysseus free life

**@figposting:** now i can talk abt COCK and BALLS and no one will tell me to shut up or anything

/

**@patpatpatpat:** Wait, what's going on?

**@patpatpatpat** replied: I just finished uploading a new video and I come back to complete chaos, what.

**@patpatpatpat:** Wait.

**@patpatpatpat:** Holy shit.

**@patx4** : He's so cute?

**@brbseis** replied: we need to get pat down bad trending too i guess

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is gonna switch between a more traditional format with actual prose and the twitter / other social media stuff. anyway i hope you enjoyed this!!! catch me on twitter for more patrochilles posting because i actually havent shut up abt them: @casteliac0ne


End file.
